Rising
by TatraMegami
Summary: Sequel to Rebellion. Total Crack, AU, and Gen set during book 6. Harry continues to 'pretend' to be insane in order to strike before Voldemort does.
1. Relevant to the Dark Lord's Needs

A/N: Since this is a sequel to Rebellion, you may want to read that first. This is a total crack AU where Harry 'pretends' to be insane to drive other people insane. This is that Harry's sixth year, though I haven't bothered to re-read it for this.

For those who have come from Rebellion already, follow this space for new updates. I hope that you enjoy this story as much as you did the first one.

Fun fact, 'They're Coming to Take Me Away' came on while I was preparing this.

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Chapter One: Relevant to the Dark Lord's Needs

* * *

Draco Malfoy entered Borgin and Burkes, his presence so commanding that it took Borgin a minute to realize that someone else entered with him. The boy with the messy black hair looked around the shop nonstop as they made their way over to the counter. As he stepped in the dim light provided by the candle, Borgin caught sight of the lightning bolt making its jagged way down his forehead. "Harry Potter?"

"No," the Boy Who Lived said. "This is Draco Malfoy. I would have thought that you would recognize him, he screams creepy all over him."

"I do believe he was talking about you," Malfoy pointed out. He sniffed. "Of course he knows who I am."

"Oh. Yeah, you really don't look like Harry Potter at all," the Boy Who Lived said.

"Now why would a Malfoy be in the presence of Harry Potter?" Borgin asked. And without a curse to be seen.

"He's not?" the Boy Who Lived said. He gave Borgin a confused look. "I'm not Harry Potter. You can call me Harry."

"Look, would I really be traveling with Harry Potter?" Malfoy asked, looking bored by the whole thing. "We just happened to come across some genuine Harry Potter hair strands and we needed to test them out. Now he's stuck like that for as long as the Polyjuice lasts."

"It's really fun pretending to be Harry Potter, you know. People stare at you all the time and point and whisper about you. And sometimes they even give me free stuff." The boy who claimed that he wasn't the Boy Who Lived glanced around the shop once more. "Are you going to give me free stuff?"

"No," Borgin said.

"In any case, about the matter we talked about before," Malfoy said, bringing things back into focus. "Is it ready?"

"It's right over there," Borgin pointed off to the side where the Vanishing Cabinet stood in plain sight. "Now, about the topic of money."

"Yes," Malfoy said. They began to discuss the issue of payment, haggling over how much the Vanishing Cabinet was worth. It was an object that the Dark Lord wanted, so he couldn't go too expensive, but that didn't mean that he couldn't wring out every single knut he could out of his dear customer. While he chatted money with Malfoy, he kept watch on the boy who wasn't the Boy Who Lived out of the corner of his eye.

The boy wandered over to the Vanishing Cabinet and inspected it, sticking his head in and out a couple of times before nodding. He then pulled out his wand and started casting spells. Borgin really wasn't sure what some of them did, but others turned the Vanishing Cabinet a bright pink with yellow flowers. A healthy dose of glitter coated the Vanishing Cabinet - and about half of his shop.

"Oops," the boy said, blinking under a pile of glitter.

"What are you doing?" Malfoy asked. "Can't you control a simple spell like that?"

The boy shrugged, sending glitter flying. "I wanted to add as much glitter as I could. I guess I added a bit too much glitter."

"I'll say," Malfoy said. He turned back to Borgin. "Sorry about that."

"What is the boy doing to it?" Borgin asked, eyeing the creation.

Malfoy hesitated for one moment, barely noticeable. "It is relevant to the Dark Lord's needs."

"Well it's going to cost him," Borgin decided. The Dark Lord could do whatever he wanted, but coating half of his store in glitter - not to mention transportation of the object - was more than he bargained for. The haggling resumed immediately and the boy went back to decorating the Vanishing Cabinet. ...Was that a rubber duck he was making out of the glitter heaped on the top of the Cabinet?

All in all, Borgin was happy when the two boys finally left his shop. He stared at the glittery mass that the Vanishing Cabinet had turned into. "The Dark Lord's needs, eh? I've heard that he didn't come back quite the same, but I hadn't thought it was that bad. Maybe it would be better to disappear for a while. Or stock some better products." Muttering to himself, he headed to the back of the shop.

Meanwhile, coming out of Knockturn Alley, Draco shook his head. "I can't believe you did that."

"I just lost control of it for a brief moment. It's hard when you can't even practice," Harry Potter, the actual Harry Potter despite his claims in the dark curio shop, said. "It worked out well enough."

"What part of that turned out well?" Draco asked. "Who knows what that storekeeper is thinking about us now."

"Who cares." Harry shrugged. "We did say that it was the Dark Lord's preference, right?"

"You know he's going to get into trouble when he goes to deliver something like that, don't you?" Draco asked.

"He's catering to the Dark Lord, he deserves whatever he gets," Harry replied. He wished that he could see Voldemort's face when the store showed up with the improved Vanishing Cabinet.

"I still can't believe we're doing this," Draco said. He shook his head. "Umbridge I could see. No one liked her and there wouldn't be any consequences for going against her."

"For you, maybe, but I was pretty sure that she was going to expel me at some point," Harry said.

"I was reluctant to join in on pranking Professor Snape because I do respect the man," Draco said. "But the Dark Lord? You really are crazy, aren't you?"

"There's been a lot of debate about that," Harry said. "Look, the way I see it, while I may have beaten the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy back, there's no way that he'll leave me alone for that long. We appear to have some sort of a ritual every year, I'm just reacting on the same scale that he is instead of waiting until the last minute."

"I suppose when you put it that way it makes sense," Draco said. "But, still, it's the Dark Lord."

"It's just like with Umbridge, I'm just striking before he does," Harry said. "Just think of it that way and it becomes less insane."

"No, it really doesn't," Draco said.

"Hey, there's Hermione and Ron," Harry said as he spotted them up ahead. He jogged over to where they were. "We're done."

"How'd the mission go?" Ron asked.

"I completed everything, just with a lot more glitter," Harry said. "You know, it's completely different when you actually cast it."

"That's why we're supposed to practice spells before adding them to our repertoire," Hermione said. She bit her lip. "Are you sure that we should be doing this?"

"It's only luck that we managed to hear that the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy was planning of waging an attack on Hogwarts through Vanishing Cabinets of all things. If he wants to sneak around then he needs to deal with the consequences," Harry said.

"Pranking the Dark Lord as he gears up for an attack on Hogwarts is not a consequence," Hermione said. "You've just found a new target, haven't you?"

"Well, you can't say that anyone would be really upset if I target him, right?" Harry asked. "Though, I suppose I could see Dumbledore trying to scold me for being mean to the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy."

"That's because no one would be stupid enough to prank a Dark Lord. Generally that sort of thing will get you killed," Hermione said.

"Lucky for me, he already wants me dead," Harry said. He rubbed his hands together. "I guess that means I have all the permission I need."

"I really wouldn't call that luck, mate," Ron said. "Unless you're talking of the bad kind. In any case, it's kind of funny, you know."

"I think his insanity has rubbed off on the lot of you," Draco said. "I should go before it rubs off on me any further."

"Not to mention that we really don't want to be seen together just yet," Hermione said. "We'll talk more about the project at Hogwarts."

"Stay alive until then," Draco said. "Remember that you can't fly without a broom, Potter."

"You mean my scar doesn't give me magic flying powers? Nuts," Harry said. He grinned at the dark look that Draco sent him and waved goodbye as the Slytherin faded into the crowd.

"We really should get back before they notice that we're gone," Hermione said. She stood on her tip toes and craned her head to try and spot their group.

"Over there," Ron said, pointing to a large spot of red hair.

"Away we go," Harry said. They made their way back to the rest of the Weasleys and tried to blend right in without attracting any attention. Sirius barking called it to them and Remus turned to look at them.

"I don't want to know what you've been up to, do I?" Remus asked.

"I've been up to good," Harry said, smiling innocently at Remus. He absolutely looked like he had been up to no good, but he was conspiring against a Dark Lord and that automatically meant that he was up to good, right?


	2. All of Its Sparkly Wonder

A/N: Wow, thanks for reading and for all of the reviews. Just to add another disclaimer (oh, and you do know that fanfic means I don't own it... People should know, which is why I forget to disclaim all the time), I still haven't reread the sixth book. I probably won't this whole time, so you'll get a lot of BSing on the canon parts of the book. It's more fun that way anyway, so enjoy!

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Chapter Two: All of Its Sparkly Wonder

* * *

The night before they were to return to Hogwarts Harry had another one of his dreams, as he put it when telling it to Ron and Hermione during the chaos of getting ready to leave the next morning. He dreamed that he was standing in the middle of a formal dining room that had been cleared out. It looked like a cheap version of a throne room, like all cliche villains ended up with at the height of their madness. The scenery was a little fuzzy around the edges, so he wasn't exactly sure whether it was actually happening or not, but he thought it was real enough.

"And anyway, it's absolutely hilarious, so even if it is a regular dream it's worth dreaming it," he explained.

In any case, Voldemort was holding court like an evil villain when Borgin showed up with a small box. "Ah, is that the object that I have been waiting for?"

"Yeah, everything's just like you ordered it," Borgin said. He set the box down and carefully levitated a small Vanishing Cabinet out of it. "I was careful in the way I handled it as to not damage it."

"Good," Voldemort said. He sounded pleased, but Harry was fairly sure that Borgin would have gotten cursed even if he had delivered a perfectly plain Vanishing Cabinet. That was just the type of evil being Voldemort was, he couldn't help it.

Borgin shuddered and enlarged the Vanishing Cabinet, revealing it in all of its sparkly wonder. The room went so silent that Harry could hear the mice in the walls. Voldemort stared at the Vanishing Cabinet for a long while. After a couple of minutes the Death Eaters started shuffling, but no one dared to make any noise.

"What," Voldemort finally started speaking, "is this?"

"It's what you asked for, sir," Borgin said. He started sweating and his eyes darted around as though looking for a hole to escape into. "It's exactly how your subordinates modified it to. I didn't touch anything on it."

"Modified it?" Voldemort asked. "And who would this be?"

"The Malfoy boy and the brat who was in disguise," Borgin said. He at least had the sense not to tell the Dark Lord that the brat was dressed like Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived. "He covered half of my shop in glitter while working on it."

"I told Malfoy to make the arrangements, not modify it," Voldemort said. "Are you certain that it still works?"

"It should work, though the boy did say that the other Cabinet was acting up," Borgin said.

"Henspit, go test it," Voldemort ordered.

One of his Death Eaters started and nervously approached the pink monstrosity. "Yes, my Lord." He opened up the Vanishing Cabinet and a rush of glitter came pouring out. He stared down at the glitter that covered his feet like sand. "Um."

"No wonder he got so much glitter everywhere," Borgin muttered.

"Henspit," Voldemort called out.

"Yes, My Lord," Henspit said. He hesitantly stepped inside of the Vanishing Cabinet, wincing as his feet sank into the glitter. He tried to close the door, but it would not close for him. Another Death Eater had to come up and shove the door close.

The Death Eater waited for a moment before opening the door once more. Henspit had vanished, though strangely the glitter remained. "Now what?"

"Crucio," Voldemort cast on the random Death Eater. "Get that thing out of my sight and wait for Henspit to appear again."

"Yes, my Lord," a group of Death Eaters chorused. They all levitated the Vanishing Cabinet instead of touching it and took it out of the room - leaving a trail of glitter behind them.

"And then I woke up," Harry said. "I think that Voldemort really liked it, though."

"What, getting rid of it just like that?" Ron asked. "I bet that he would have destroyed it if his plans didn't revolve around it."

"Probably," Harry said.

"That's just what we wanted, though," Hermione said. "If it is out of their sight, then they won't notice as the other spells start to react."

"I hope I dream of those times as well," Harry said. "This dreaming thing is so useful. I even think that Voldemort is shying away from me now."

"And soon you'll take over the world," Ron said.

Harry started cackling along with Ron while Hermione shook her head. "Let's get all of our stuff together before your mum realizes that we're just sitting around."

The boys agreed and all of them threw themselves into the chaos that always happened on September first. After the huge run around, the trio relaxed in the train carriage. It wasn't long before Luna and Neville joined them.

"How did the mission go?" Neville asked. They had been able to tell him that something was going on and that they were going on a mission, but there was only so much they could get away with hiding from the adults by playing spies. They had been lucky to send any owls at all, and Harry had to wait until Sirius had come to get him.

"Operation Brighten Up the Dark Lord of Hypocrisy's Life?" Harry asked. "It went exactly how we planned and I do believe that he is horrified. We've done well."

"I'm still surprised that you decided to go after him," Neville said, shaking his head.

"Even Dark Lords deserve some brightening up," Luna said. "Really, someone should have done this years ago."

"But, yeah, it is just a bit bonkers," Ron said.

"We should get going to the Prefects meeting," Hermione said. "After all, we don't want to be late."

"The train hasn't even started moving yet," Ron protested, but he followed Hermione out of the room anyway.

Conversation lapsed back into the normal 'how was your summer' and they listened to Luna's accounts of searching for creatures in Switzerland. Neville spoke of his work in his gardens and how he tried to improve his potions work now that he was done with Snape. Harry told them about the chaos he got up to with Sirius, though they only had a couple of days alone before Dumbledore 'came and got him.' After that he spent the rest of the time with the Weasleys.

Just as things were starting to come to a lull, someone appeared at the carriage door. "Is Harry Potter here?"

"Not unless you're offering chips," Harry said. "For what reason are you looking for the mythical Harry Potter?"

"When did you turn into a myth?" Neville asked.

"Oh, I'm not a myth, Harry Potter is a myth," Harry said like there was a difference between the two.

"I'm looking for Neville Longbottom, too," the other guy said.

"Can I be a myth too?" Neville asked.

"Of course you can," Harry said.

"You can be a Poddlemod," Luna said. "They're due for a comeback."

"All right, I'll be a Poddlemod," Neville said. He focused back on the other student. "So, why are you looking for us?"

"You're invited to the Slug Club," the student said.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a deathly war with slugs," Harry said, holding up his hand and posing. "I cannot go."

"I think it would be better to ask what the Slug Club is first before deciding," Neville said.

"Giant Slugs, obviously," Luna said. "The rumors say that Hogwarts is merging with Slugwarts, so we'll be having classes with humanoid slugs."

"That's not it," the guy said. "That's not it at all. It's the new teacher, he's creating a club of famous people."

"Like a zoo?" Harry asked. "Because the mythical Harry Potter already gets that treatment just by eating breakfast."

"Um, I don't think that's it?" the guy said. "Listen, I was just told to invite you. It's up to you whether you go or not, but only select people are being invited."

"Eh, give mine to the people in the next carriage," Harry said. "I have plans to make."

"That's a bunch of first years," the guy said.

"That's not my problem," Harry said with a shrug. "Which is more important, hobnobbing at a zoo or plotting to take down evil people?"

"Giving your reputation now, I can see what you'd prefer to do," the student said. He looked over at Neville. "How about you?"

"I think I'll pass," Neville said. "But, I really don't think that first years can get away with pretending to be us."

"Specially since the new teacher saw me before," Harry said. "But, they'll just be our ambassadors."

"I still don't think that's right," the student said. "But I don't think I can take any more of this." He left before Harry could reply.

"So, are you planning on pranking the new teacher?" Neville asked. "What kind of person is it?"

"An armchair," Harry replied. "That's who he really is."

"Can armchairs kill people?" Luna asked. "Because if he's deadly, we need to strike first."

"I don't think he's deadly. He's kind of squishy," Harry said. "I'll just be normal around him."

"I'm starting to wonder if you even know what normal is," Neville said.

"Witches and Wizards exist, what is normal?" Harry asked.

Neville sighed and changed the subject. That conversation went on for a while, even after Hermione and Ron got back from the Prefects meeting.

When the train stopped, Harry lagged behind everyone else. "I'm gonna go spy on Draco for old time's sake."

"You really shouldn't," Hermione replied. "What if he decides to stun you for old time's sake?"

"Then I will be stunned," Harry said. He ran off before Hermione could physically stop him. Draco and the rest of his group were still seated in the carriage, to his surprise. He lurked outside of their carriage and breathed as heavy as he could.

Draco broke off speaking and turned towards the door. "What are you doing?" he asked. "You do know that we can hear you and see you?"

"I'm spying on you," Harry said. He entered the carriage and sat down. "Go on, don't mind me."

"Who in Merlin's name would go on talking when they are so plainly being spied upon?" Draco asked. "And what kind of spying is that anyway?"

"The lazy kind," Harry said. He was sure that if he was talking to anyone other than Draco Malfoy, the person would have slapped their hand to their face. Given that he was talking to Draco Malfoy, he was surprised that Draco didn't slap Harry's face instead. Or, no, that would be too Muggle. Draco would curse Harry over anything else.

"Merlin, you really are insane," Pansy said. "We should get going, now that the crowd has lessened."

"Really, I'm kind of disappointed," Harry said. "I thought that you guys were discussing some sort of secret Dark Arts business instead of waiting for the train to be empty. That's so lazy."

"You're not one to talk," Pansy said. "And it's not lazy to want to avoid crowded corridors. Honestly, people get so pushy after long trips like this."

"Can we pretend that you were talking about super secret Slytherin stuff?" Harry asked. "I already know about the Cobra Ritual of Death."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Draco said.

"You know, the Sly Slytherin Snake Ritual of Death where you slither around until someone dies," Harry said. "Don't you do that every Saturday?"

"There's never been anything like that," Draco said. "Where do you even get this stuff, anyway?"

"I had deep lessons with Professor Snape and he taught me almost everything," Harry said. "Except he never really taught me anything."

"If he didn't teach you anything then he couldn't have taught you everything," Pansy pointed out.

"What's this, now?" Tonks asked as she boarded the train. "Wotcha, Harry."

"Yo," Harry said, holding up a hand.

"Is everything okay here?" Moody asked, his eye whirling around as though there were villains hidden in the empty carriages.

"I was just trying to get the Slytherins to teach me all of the secrets," Harry said. He pouted. "But they wouldn't teach me anything at all."

"Of course not," Pansy said. "Even if we did have sly secrets, we wouldn't go around telling just anyone."

"Then I will switch my mission this year around to becoming a Slytherin," Harry said. "All I need is a disguise. I wonder if they will notice that I'm not 11 years old if I kneel on my shoes."

"I think you could get away as a first year even if you didn't kneel on your shoes," Draco said. "But you'd never be able to get away with not being Harry Potter."

"That's why you should give me the secrets for free," Harry said.

"I refuse to be one of those ordinary people who caters to you," Draco said.

"We're going to miss the carriages if you two keep arguing," Pansy said. She grabbed onto their cloaks and dragged them off of the train. "It was nice to see you," she called back to the two Aurors.

She had been right, however, and they just managed to snag the last thestral drawn carriage, boarding with two second years who stayed silent the whole ride up. Harry wasn't sure if the two Hufflepuffs were scared of the sixth year Slytherins or whether they were awed by his presence, but he didn't worry too much about it. Teasing Draco was a lot more interesting.

Harry split off with the Slytherins as they entered the Great Hall. Since they were among the last of the students to enter the Great Hall, they became the subject of whispers. There were less whispers this year than there would have been the year before. After all, they had already gotten used to Harry doing odd things as well as seeing the Slytherins and the Gryffindors together. At this point the only person that Harry would have thought would be shocked would be Dumbledore, but he didn't seem to notice.

"So how was your spying?" Hermione asked as Harry sat down in between her and Ron.

"I got caught pretty quickly, but they didn't do anything to me," Harry said. "But they also wouldn't teach me the Secret Cobra Ritual of Death."

"Poor you," Ron said, staring down at his plate. "Why isn't there any food yet?"

"We need to wait for the sorting to take place," Hermione said. "And there is no such thing as a secret Cobra Ritual of Death. Even if there was such a thing, it would surely be banned by the Ministry."

"Don't ruin all of my fun," Harry said. "I've decided to become a Slytherin by the end of the year."

"You can't switch Houses," Hermione said. "Now shush, the Sorting is starting."

Harry let the names and faces flow past him. He didn't really care too much about the first years, as they really didn't have anything to do with him. At this point even Hermione and Ron didn't have to worry so much about the first years, but they payed more attention than he did. He just automatically clapped every time they did, until Ron caught on and started clapping at odd times. His friends really had been hanging around him long enough to catch some of the insanity.

Dumbledore stood up at the end of the Sorting and raised both of his hands: one normal flesh tones and the other burnt to a crisp. Harry stared at it and Ron nudged him with his elbow. "Hey, when did that happen?"

"I don't know. He never really said when I saw him over the summer," Harry replied.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, young and old," Dumbledore said. "I have a couple of staff changes to announce. I'd like to introduce Professor Slughorn, our new Potions professor."

"What?" Harry exclaimed with the rest of the students. He had been sure that Slughorn was going to be their new Defense Against Dark Arts Professor. After all, wasn't that the position left open after Umbridge was driven insane? If Slugworth was the Potions Professor, then who was the Defense Against the Dark Art's teacher?

"Professor Snape will take over the Defense Against Dark Arts position," Dumbledore said.

"No," Harry cried out, long and dramatically. He flopped down onto the table, grateful that the food hadn't appeared yet. "What will I do without Professor Snape as my potions teacher?"

From the glare Snape was giving him, his exclamation had reached the staff table. Harry grinned back at him and Snape went back to ignoring him.

"I have one last change to announce," Dumbledore said. "Taking over from Professor Umbridge, the new Hogwarts Inquisitor is Remus Lupin. I'm sure that some of you remember him as a past Defense Against Dark Arts Professor. Those with worries, feel free to discuss them with your Head of House."

"What?" Ron exclaimed. He grabbed onto Harry's shoulder and shook him. "Did you know about this?"

"Well, I might have pulled some strings," Harry said. "Left some paperwork and all of that. I have a feeling that Fudge doesn't really read what is put in front of him."

"You're dangerous," Hermione said. "But, I suppose this will give us a reprieve from the Ministry."

"This year is going to be fun," Harry said. He turned his attention to the platters on the table. "Let's eat."


	3. This is not Potions, this is DADA

A/N: Still a bit slow, but things will start picking up as Harry gets back into the swing of things.

* * *

Chapter Three: This is not Potions, this is DADA

* * *

The routine for the first day of school changed for the sixth years. Instead of McGonagall handing out their schedules, she called each of them up to confirm their classes with their OWL results. Harry really didn't think that it would change all that much, though. He had already made his choices about what classes he wanted to take, cutting out all of the classes that he didn't get a good grade in or just wasn't interested in.

"Here you go, Professor," Harry said as he handed his parchment over.

"Why don't you have Potions on this list?" McGonagall asked as she glanced over it.

"Snape said he would rather kill me himself than let me into his class. He said he wouldn't accept anything other than extra credit on the highest grade possible," Harry said. He had actually wanted to take Potions with Snape to continue to drive him insane, but Professor Snape did have the right to refuse people with OWLs lower than O. He had thought about putting Potions down anyway, but he figured that would only be a good strategy if Snape himself had been going over his schedule. McGonagall had put up with his insanity the previous year, but only to a certain extent and it didn't make sense to provoke her.

"Normally this is true, but Professor Snape is not teaching Potions this year. The OWL requirement has been relaxed to Average," McGonagall said. "With this in mind, would you like to take Potions?"

"But we didn't buy any of the supplies," Harry said.

"You should be able to purchase the supplies during the first Hogsmeade visit and until then you may use the student supplies that Hogwarts provides," McGonagall said. She gave him a stern look. "Thinking of your future, taking Potions would be a good choice for you. You'd be able to become an Auror."

"Oh yeah, there was something like that," Harry said. He had put the whole Career options thing aside after telling Umbridge he had wanted to become insane rather than holding an actual job. Now that she was out of his life, he should probably think about that again. "All right, I'll take Potions."

"Good," McGonagall said. She handed him his schedule for the year and pinned him with another look. "I hope you manage to restrain yourself more this year."

"I'll do my best not to cause you trouble," Harry said. Snape, on the other hand, he made no promises about. He knew that McGonagall was hinting that he should cut out his insanity act and behave himself once more, but he had plans and he wasn't about to let any teachers tell him what to do.

He waited until Hermione and Ron had gotten their schedules before he read through his one. He was only taking the basic classes, having dropped both of his electives and the more specific standard classes. Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Charms, Transfiguration and now Potions. With only those five classes he had several free periods a day.

"Awesome, we have a free period at the start of today," Ron said. "And look at all of these other ones."

"They aren't there just so that you can laze around," Hermione said. "You're going to need them for the homework you get in your actual classes."

"Yeah, yeah," Ron said. "But today we don't have any homework. I can go back to bed. Or maybe take an extended breakfast."

"You should use that period to do something to help you in classes. Get your books together or do some reading ahead of time," Hermione suggested.

"With the amount of books you have on you now, you don't need to worry about any of that," Ron said. He pointed at Hermione. "I bet you've even read ahead in all of our classes."

"I haven't managed to read ahead enough in Arithmancy," Hermione said. "But you are right; I do have all of my books on me."

"And let me guess, some books for light reading," Harry chimed in.

"I just didn't know what classes we were going to have first today," Hermione said. "Really, they should do this before the term even starts, that way we would have more time to prepare."

"Yes, poor Hermione, her first class is the class where she's only read five chapters ahead instead of ten," Ron said. He clapped her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure that you know even more than the professor at this point."

"Honestly," Hermione huffed. She brushed past them as she headed off to class, even though there was still time before classes even started.

Ron and Harry lazed around in the Common Room before they headed down to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Harry was practically skipping along. "Oh, how I've missed this."

"This is pretty screwed up, though," Ron said. He shook his head. "Think about it, you're looking forward to being taught by Snape of all people. Better still, you're excited because you plan on driving him nuts."

"Hey, a guy has to have some kind of a hobby," Harry said. "I've just missed this adrenaline rush."

"Do you know what you're going to do yet?" Ron asked.

"Not quite yet," Harry replied. "I had all of these plans for the first day of Potions class, but I hadn't planned anything for Defense Against Dark Arts."

"You can't do too much of the same," Ron agreed.

"Oh well, I'm sure that something will come to me," Harry said. Already ideas were starting to swirl in his head. They flew away the moment he stepped into the classroom and spotted the portraits of pain.

"What is this?" Ron asked, his voice hushed. They joined the other Gryffindors who had already arrived.

"I knew there was a reason I didn't want Snape to become the Defense professor," Harry said. He shuddered. "Somehow I'm even wondering if Umbridge's kittens were better than these."

"Of course they were," Ron said. "I don't even want to know what those are. He's probably going to describe them in great detail, right?"

"It wouldn't be Snape otherwise," Harry said.

"Just when I thought I was done with him," Neville said, looking pale.

"I'll just have to give him what for," Harry said. He marched over to his desk and put down his bag. After rummaging around in it for a moment, he pulled out a collapsible cauldron and set it up on top of his desk. "I have more of these, if anyone's interested."

"Do we even want to know why you're carrying collapsible cauldrons around?" Dean asked.

"You never know when you need to brew a potion," Harry said. "It might be every time you see an ex Potions Professor in the corridors, you know."

"I would have thought that you would be done with this by now," Seamus said. He crossed his arms. "I could see why you did it with Umbridge, but now that she's not here?"

"You really think that Snape will be a better Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" Harry asked. "Besides, I like being insane. I like the odd looks better than the regular old staring."

"If you say so," Dean said. "But won't Snape freak out if we all have cauldrons?"

"Of course," Harry promptly replied.

"Then I'll pass," Dean said, heading over to a desk away from Harry. "It will be fun to watch, though."

"Oh, good, I made it just in time," Hermione said, almost panting as she headed over to where Harry and Ron were seated. She pursed her lips when she saw the cauldron on Harry's desk, but ignored them. "Arithmancy ran late due to a debate. I was worried I'd be late."

"This is your right on time?" Ron asked. "It's ten minutes before I'd even think to arrive to class, fifteen before it actually starts."

"Why are so many of you here, then?" Hermione asked as she looked around. "And getting to class fifteen minutes ahead of time is not a bad thing."

"I think Harry freaked everyone out when he practically ran to class early," Ron said. "He's excited about this, can you believe it?"

"If only he was excited to learn instead of prank," Hermione said, shaking her head.

"I'm excited for Potions class in this new classroom," Harry said, firmly ignoring everyone. He didn't have long to wait before Snape swept into the room.

"Potter, what is that?" Snape asked almost as soon as he entered.

"I'm all set up for Potions class, Professor," Harry said. "I've been looking forward to this all summer long."

"This is not Potions. This is Defense Against the Dark Arts," Snape said. He banished Harry's cauldron and swept to the front of the room, beginning a chilling speech. It almost sounded as though he was praising the Dark Arts as something beautiful. He motioned to the portraits on the wall, explaining what was going on in each one.

Harry slipped down under his desk during the speech, remembering his past dislike of his professor. He covered his head with his hands and waited to be discovered. He would have liked to ignore the whole thing, but he knew that he couldn't. Defense Against the Dark Arts was his best course at Hogwarts and he wasn't about to let his grudge match with Snape to interfere with that. Besides, since he was almost directly confronting Voldemort, he figured it was a good idea to learn as much Defense Against the Dark Arts as he could in the space of a year's time.

"Potter," Snape snapped when he was done his disturbing talk. "Why are you under your desk?"

"I'm scared," Harry said. "The people in the Portraits are out to get me and my little dog, too."

"The Portraits cannot harm you, Potter," Snape said. "Although, I won't deny that they are cursed."

"I knew it," Harry breathed out. "Wait, does that mean that I'm cursed right now?"

"You will be if you do not behave appropriately in my classroom," Snape said. He whirled away. "Everyone to your feet. We're going to be doing Nonverbal Spells."

"Oh, I know how to do that." Harry scrambled to his feet and punched his fist out. "Bleelbedop!"

"Not that kind of Nonverbal Spells. I want you to pair up and try to jinx your partner without speaking a word," Snape said. "Just to let you know, I will not put up with even mouthing the spell you are performing by the end of the term. You'd best not get into the habit now."

"I know how to do this," Harry insisted. He put his arms up over his head and wiggled his fingers. "Episky."

"That's a healing spell and you just talked," Hermione said. She glanced at Snape out of the corner of her eye. "And I am fairly sure that you're meant to use your wand, just not say the spell."

"That is a rookie move," Harry said as he nodded. He pulled his wand out and faced Ron. "So do you want to defend or jinx?"

"I'll Jinx you," Ron decided. He held his want out and focused, screwing his eyes up and mouthing the words slightly.

Harry tried to figure out what kind of spell Ron was doing and eventually figured out that it was the leg locker. He flexed his feet as he waited for Ron to jinx him.

"I see you are having trouble," Snape said, sneering at them. "I thought I told you, Weasley, to keep your mouth still while casting."

"He's doing the best he can," Harry defended.

"Then shall I show him how he is failing?" Snape said. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry. "Are you prepared?"

"But, I thought that was secret," Harry whispered, glancing around secretively.

"Every one pay attention," Snape said, ignoring Harry. "I'll show you how it is done."

"Silent Progeto," Harry casted as a bolt of light left Snape's wand. The spell splashed off of Harry's shield and rebounded back towards Snape. The Defense Against Dark Arts Professor stumbled and glared at Harry.

"I told you not to speak," Snape said. "Detention for assaulting a Professor. To be served out with Filch on Saturday."

"Can I have ice cream instead?" Harry asked. "That was instinct, so I shouldn't be punished for it."

"Sir," Snape said. "And if it was really instinct then why did you add the Silent to it?"

"I don't think it's quite right to call me sir, but if you insist," Harry said. "I will teach you everything I know about Silent casting. Basically you just add Silent to the beginning of each spell and the enemy will know not to listen to the next word."

"Is that how it works?" Snape asked. "Only in that head of yours, Potter. There is no such thing as adding Silent to the beginning of each spell and actually having it be Silent." A chime marked the end of the class session and Snape whirled away. "Practice Nonverbal jinxes as your homework, but be prepared for heavy consequences if you do not behave while doing so."

"I'll turn everyone into slugs," Harry cheered on his way out of the door. He paused just outside of it. "Well, that went well."

"You disrupted class and got detention with Filch," Hermione pointed out.

"Okay, getting detention with Filch won't be that great, but Snape didn't try to kill me. I don't think," Harry said. "And he totally started it first. He approached me and tried to curse me."

"And who was the one who had a cauldron all set up at the start of class?" Hermione asked.

An owl tapped at the window before Harry could reply. He headed over to the window and let the bird in, taking the letter from it. "It's from Dumbledore; he wants to see me on Saturday. Lucky."

Hermione shook her head. "I can't believe this."

"Hey, Dumbledore is the one who wants to see me, it's not my doing that it's probably about the same time as Snape's detention," Harry said.

Hermione let the subject go and instead herded them off to the Great Hall to practice their nonverbal jinxes before lunch started.

After lunch they headed down to the Potions classroom. Even though things really hadn't changed much n the room, there was still a different sort of a feeling in the classroom. Maybe it was the cauldrons bubbling on a table at the front of the room. Snape would always have brown messes that he expected them to produce without instructions, but these were interesting potions with light smells and swirling smoke.

"I'm Professor Slughorn," the man introduced to them. "I've taught this class before many years ago. Back when some of your parents went to Hogwarts. I've taught many famous people, too, and I still keep in contact with them." He stopped off in front of Harry's desk. "That's the reason why I am happy to be teaching all of you. Mister Potter, did you know that your mother was the best in my class in her year?"

"Professor Slughorn, my uncle has spoken of you fondly," Draco said.

"Ah, yes, Malfoy, was it?" Slughorn moved away from Harry. Normally he would think that Draco was kissing up to the professor, and he probably was, but Harry didn't really care about that at the moment.

"That's right, Sir," Draco said.

"Ah, yes." Slughorn turned away. "Can anyone tell me what potions are in the cauldrons I have at the front of the classroom?"

The students guessed at the potion, reminding Harry of the game shows that he had performed the year before. Of course, the prize this time was better than the one for his shows. Liquid Luck, oh, the pranks he could pull off with that. But first he had to actually make the potion that Slughorn wanted. In order to do that, he needed a book.

Slughorn told him to grab a book from the cabinet and it was just his luck that he ended up with a book someone had scribbled in. The scribbles ended up being useful as he blindly followed what the book said and won the Felix Felicis. Hermione pouted the whole way out of the dungeon.

"I can't believe that you just followed what a book said. Are you truly insane?" she asked.

"I like Mr. Scribbles," Harry replied, clutching the stained book to his chest. "He seems to know what he's talking about. Yes, I very well could have made a poison, but I figured I didn't have anything to lose."

"I still think that you should do the research before simply following what a book says," Hermione said.

"But isn't that the whole point of books?" Ron chimed in.

"Handwritten words in books," Hermione said. "You can trust printed words to a greater extent, but even books can print biased or inaccurate things."

"Gasp, shock," Harry said. "But if you can't trust books, what can you trust?"

"Oh, shush," Hermione said. She stalked away and the two boys chased after her.


End file.
